Alpha Reader Containment Guide

Hello Humans!

In case I have not been obvious about my lifestyle, I write. A lot. And since I write a lot, there’s often quite a bit to read. Most of my projects that need to be read are in first draft form, which means I turn to my trusty Alpha Readers!

So, for the sake of transparency, I’d like to compile a short list of ways that I have successfully trapped my alpha readers into eye-guzzling my work.

  • **Hand kindle, drive at least one hour, do not return for many hours;
  • Place a cat on alpha reader’s legs;
  • Email incessantly;
  • Place two cats on alpha reader’s legs;
  • Smile, softly mention that it doesn’t look like he’s reading, continue smiling;
  • Offer food;
  • Ignore friend until work is read;
  • Full-screen laptop, place in front of alpha reader;
  • Visit alpha reader’s living space, turn objects upside-down in protest;
  • Repeatedly threaten alpha reader with least favorite foods;
  • Roll around on the floor, make whining noises;
  • Tease plot twist, mention they’ll ‘just have to read it’, laugh maniacally;
  • Ask for feedback;
  • Remind alpha reader how excited you are to hear what he thought!

I hope this list is at least moderately helpful. I’ve been informed that at least one of these (**) is probably a little illegal if your human doesn’t want to do it. Try one of the other methods before this.

Good luck! May your alpha readers give you quick, quality feedback.

-ARG

Note: Please remember to release your alpha readers after your work is read, and remember to periodically give them restroom and nourishment breaks. Trust me, humans need these things.

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