Making Friends with Humans

Hello Earth Residents!

I’ll just jump right into it- Making friends with humans is difficult at best, and at worst, downright dangerous.

Some many Earth-years ago, I worked as a human-interaction-facilitator, the exact job title of which I choose not to remember. This was not a job that an introvert like myself was suited for.

I’ve since moved on from that position, but I learned many things about humans, and about forming friendship bonds with them. However, before we delve into development of friendship-bonds, we must recognize a couple of innate rules.

Each human is complex and different, and has full rights to autonomy. Every human does not have to like you! In fact, humans not liking you will actually assimilate you better with your own humanity. I believe it’s called “strife.”

The corollary to this is that you do not have to like every human. You do, however, have to respect the human’s right to its opinions, and existence.

When it comes to initiating a friendship bond, first one must infiltrate the social barrier around the human. If you have not met the human, introduce yourself.  Find common ground- which is a euphemism for identifying similar interests between yourself and your potential human friend, rather than locating the physical surface that you share with this human. Such common interests may include human art, human music, or human food.

At this and every stage, both participants must elect to continue bond formation. If the bond does not have mutual consent, it will become unhealthy, bitter, and potentially dangerous. Take caution!

If the social barrier is successfully infiltrated, and the human has consented to your friendship advances by engaging animatedly in conversation, then the friendship-bond will begin to form. It is difficult to measure the bond’s strength. As with many quantum states, it is possible to change the outcome by measuring it. Instead of testing the bond yourself, after several bonding experiences, ask the human to confirm the existence of the friendship bond.

Note: If for any reason you feel uncomfortable with a friendship bond, you have the right to sever it.Some friendship bonds are merely unhealthy, and others are exceptionally dangerous.

Good luck in your bonding endeavors!

-ARG